Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
