You can't special order awesome
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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