Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
