I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
