We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize