i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
