I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
