How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
