Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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