Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
