is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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