In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
