Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize