Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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