soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize