wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
