I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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