Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
