So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
