I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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