dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
