I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
