Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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