I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
