Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
