Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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