Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
