he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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