Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
