This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
