First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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