well you can't waste a boner
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Randomize
