Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
