bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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