Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
