Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
