the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
third nipple confirmed
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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