I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
