He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
