It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
