I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
