i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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