He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
