Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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