I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
