Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
