so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
