haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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