I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
