Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
