I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
