so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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