mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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