i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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