he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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