That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize