Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
