my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
