cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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