hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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