omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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