Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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