I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
