I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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